Day 5 Phase 2 2/9/2011

Beginning Weight 167.0
Current Weight 164.6
Goal Weight 140.0

What encouragement to step on the scale and see the pounds drop. Imagine being able to succeed at much needed weight loss without starving yourself and actually seeing a difference when stepping on the scale. Isn't that were we usually lose our motivation?
I remember working out for 30 to 60 minutes after work and walking for 45 minutes during my lunch, cutting back my calories, but still giving in to cravings, with the mindset that I can work out a little longer to burn off the extra calories. Then giving it all up because after 3 weeks I didn't even lose a pound.
Day 5 has been a challenging day. Overloaded with work at the office. A little dissappointed with my employment, Although I try to stay positive. Dissappointed with the realization that plans that were expected, have fallen through and dissappointed that the other people involved do not have the integrity to be in contact. I am still dealing with the loss of my mom and each day that we get closer to her birthday is sadder for me. I feel like an expectant mother whose emotions are all over the board. I know it is part of the grieving process, but knowing doesn't make it easier. Then after arriving home to find one of the 2 week old puppies in bad health, rushed him to the vet only to have the little guy die as we are being given lessons on how to tube feed him, it was so sad, not because I was attached, just because. Then to be charged $95 on your way out the door. Just dealing with more grief.
You may be asking yourself "What does all this have to do with weight loss"? Well a lot! Most of us do not look at the ups and downs of life as a cause for our weight gain. But how we handle what life deals us can affect the way we eat, what we eat and when we eat. Due to the emergency pet vet visit, I was not able to eat anywhere near the regular time that I eat. When I got home last night I was hungry, sad and had not taken my drops, which I needed to do 30 minutes before I eat. Then when I did eat I ate too fast. Not to mention that my scale is broken, so the food I prepared for both my lunch and my dinner were not weighed as they should have been.
I have learned a lesson with this and will be sure to pick up a new scale on my way home from work today. I did not lose my 1 pound, only .4 lbs. This is what can cause a person to give up and usually this is where I would have said "screw it, I want to eat a donut (remember donut whore). But instead I am going into a new day with the intent on moving on from this mistake and being sure to get exact weights on the food. Big set back? No, because I did lose, just not what I was expecting.
I also know that I put a lot of pressure on myself. I always want to be the "loss not typical" person. Mainly because I am typical person, easily overlooked by people. I beat myself up over not being a more outgoing person and I have used food, and lack of exercise to treat myself the way I feel others treat me. I have a "stinkin' thinking" mentality about myself. My mind tells me that I am "less-than" and I am not smart enough, pretty enough or interesting enough for people to say good morning to me or to respect the work I do or to see how important what I do really is.
Now don't be thinking that I have serious depression or mature issues, most of us have these feelings about ourselves at one time or another, what makes me different in this regard is that I am aware that I think this way. I am aware that I need to work on my self-esteem and change how I see myself. I also know that this thought process affects how eat, exercise and it gives me the motivation to keep working on myself.
God don't make no junk and he is not finished with me yet!